素直な気持ち伝えるのさ

Well, today was excited. And when I say exciting, I mean spent mostly in healthcare providing offices.

This morning at 8:30, I went to put my contact in, and, lo and behold, it got caught under my eyelid. Ouch. But, this had happened to me before, so, without panicing, after going to Japanese in pain, I hopped the blue bus back to Bryn Mawr to go to the health centre.

Now, before, when I went to the Health Centre with this issue, they flushed my eye, inverted the eyelid, popped the contact out, and life was all good and happy. But this time, they flailed around and couldn't figure out how to invert my eyelid, so, instead of finding the nurse who could last time, they forced me to go to Bryn Mawr General Hospital. YAY. They wanted me to go to the emergency room first and I was like HELLS NO so I went to some of Printmaking then came back and let them take me to the eye doctor at the hospital for a 3:00 appointment.

After sorting out various insurance issues, I filled out forms and waited in the lobby of the optometrist's office for a good forty-five minutes. When I FINALLY got called back, some obnoxious patronizing optometrist looked in my eyes, inverted my eyelid, took the contact out, and scolded me in a very patronizing way. This all took maybe fifteen minutes, then he gave me a diagnosis and a proscription and sent me on my way.

THE FUN PART? Turns out I have a corneal abrasion! And it hurts o____x; ALSO? The stupid little bottle of eyedrops cost me 94 dollars! FUCKING 94 DOLLARS! AND ANOTHER THING? I'm not allowed to wear contacts, and since I don't have glasses right now, I'M FUCKING BLIND. And you know what? If the nurses had just gotten the fucking thing out of my eye when I went to them in the first place, none of this would have happened, and I'm sure my eye would have healed fine and life would be BUNNIES AND DUCKIES. BUT NO.

So yes. I wasted the grande majority of my day at the hospital or the health centre.

LIFE SUCKS AND THEN YOU DIE, KIDDIES.

This is just ridiculous.

What in hell's name can she possibly be thinking? This is ludicrous.

I'm incensed.

Craft day was epic fail. Hopefully we can finish on Monday...

To do list

It's all over now, all over. Completely, the end. Never again will I dance Snow, Waltz of the Flowers. My one lead is the material for dust and moths and will be faded and wrinkled around the edges until entirely forgotten.

I lost it on stage. Started crying. It's hard to believe the defining event of my life for the past ten years is officially at its end.

As leaf subsides to leave
And Eden sank in grief
And dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay...

It's depressing when I can't look at porn because I see people kissing and making out and I know I won't be able to for another 10 months.

I'm so dehydrated.

So, I was bored and feeling a tad bit angsty, so I wrote a song. If anyone feels like reading it, it's here...I'm not sure if anyone would get it, anyway.

( read at your own risk. XP; )

so incredibly happy...

and yet so horribly sad...

at the same time.



therefore: unconditional happiness does not exist.

I hate everything.

I'm going to go die now.

A toast to lost innocence, lost happiness, and the fun that only exists in the virtual image of reflected memories. Friday will mourn what Tuesday cannot remember, and yet Saturday still hurts. And chasing bubbles of old soap only results in them popping faster.

Drowning sorrows is only eventual asphixiation, and sympathy aggravates the wounds. Fingers faster than mind will melt the keys and chose forgiveness away. Machines have no emotion, no matter how humanoid the opporator. And broken glass will still be broken, even when carefully glued back together.

I'll cry softly and lick my wounds when tomorrow doesn't care.



Edit: On second thought, I'm seriously considering going on hiatus from everything.